From c90043b08a42e3d58f22ec3ed7b26c2a5e224c5b Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001
From: etherware-novice <73374039+etherware-novice@users.noreply.github.com>
Date: Sat, 16 Nov 2024 18:26:08 -0600
Subject: [PATCH] gfdz

---
 personal/journal.html | 34 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
 1 file changed, 34 insertions(+)

diff --git a/personal/journal.html b/personal/journal.html
index a93c668..cc2a835 100644
--- a/personal/journal.html
+++ b/personal/journal.html
@@ -17,6 +17,40 @@ permalink: /journal
 <h2>basically the "hidden" vent section ive seen the webtracker nobody looks at this page</h2>
 
 
+<article>
+	<h2>2024-11-16</h2>
+	<p>the fear of being a newbie<br>
+	basically if theres one thing i hate more than anything<br>
+	its not being able to feel proud of my work<br>
+	and thats the whole thing about sucking at something/<br>
+	doing it scared that i hate its that like i cant<br>
+	feel proud of it, or i feel like just like a little kid<br>
+	playing with their stupid legos while like the actually experienced<br>
+	guys go and have fun and the progress is so slow i feel like<br>
+	im doing it wrong but no i just have to keep making dumb stupid<br>
+	stuff and it feels terrible and<br>
+	especially with all the people who've been doing this stuff for<br>
+	like years like i know that normal (not insane) people look at<br>
+	that and are all "oh man theyve been doing it for so long<br>
+	of course theyre better and there was a time that they sucked<br>
+	too" and get motivated and stuff i wish i could be like that<br>
+	for me its more "oh man theyve been doing this 10 years<br>
+	that- i dont even know if i'll still be doing this in 10<br>
+	years and what if i never get that good and oh god how will i<br>
+	ever be able to compete with that even if i do keep at it for<br>
+	10 years then theyll have done it for 20!!!! and like i just<br>
+	wish i could like be ,more, like i didnt worry about it like<br>
+	a normal person like i could just go make stuff and not worry<br>
+	about how bad it is and feel panicked and beg people for help<br>
+	and make them hate me over and over and over and i could just<br>
+	write, or like draw, or whatever<br>
+	the only field that this doesnt apply to is like coding bc<br>
+	i have beein doing it for 10 years and stuff but like<br>
+	<br>
+	i wish i could take as much pride in my own stuff as i do in theirs<br>
+	but like not in a stealing way</p>
+</article>
+
 <article>
 	<h2>2024-11-14</h2>
 	<p>doing it scared why cant i do it scared<br>