apr 24

muse/private/dump.md

@@ -9,6 +9,8 @@ and yes that is why i deliberately removed all layout on this page just to make
 
 god i hope this isnt revealed dramatically in an ironic huburis esque twist of fate or something
 
+also this is oldest-top because its a lot easier to set up my editor to jump to the bottom to add stuff
+
 
 25-17-2
 
@@ -49,3 +51,15 @@ This took so so much researching to get working, so if you are reading this, use
 
 
 you ever think about how like websites are entirely designed to supposed to be like a file system? Like the structure is identical of having like folders and directories and the only real magic was in rendering the html and the special index.html that made it easier to navigate. It's a more hopeful time..
+
+
+
+25-17-3
+
+the storm came early
+
+but the only traces
+
+are in the puddles
+
+shone by the sun

personal/journal.html

@@ -17,6 +17,63 @@ permalink: /journal
 <h2>basically the "hidden" vent section ive seen the webtracker nobody looks at this page</h2>
 
 
+<article>
+        <h2>2025-04-23</h2>
+        <p>(20:27)<br>
+        oh ye i signed up for creative writing for next semeseter<br>
+        you know why<br>
+        (01:02)<br>
+        god fucking fuck i am so sick of myself<br>
+        why do i have to be like this why do i have to<br>
+        have so many problems and the self awareness to ask for help<br>
+        but NOT THE SELF AWARENESS TO BE ABLE TO FIX MYSELF AND I KEEP<br>
+        FALLING INTO THE TRAP OF FEELING MISERABLE AND ASKING FOR HELP<br>
+        OVER AND OVER AND PEOPLE KEEP LEAVING FUCKKKKKK MEEEEE WHY CANT<br>
+        I JUST BE NORMAL AND NOT FORCE MY PROBLEMS ONTO EVERYONE ELSE<br>
+        BECAUSE IM APPARENTLY THE KIND OF PERSON TO HAVE /4 DIFFERENT VENT PAGES/<br>
+        ON THEIR SITE AND STILL FORCE EVERYONE ELSE TO DEAL WITH IT<br>
+        FUCK ME FUCK ME I AM THE WORST GOD FUCKING WHYYYYYYYYYY<br>
+        I LITERALLY CANT DO ANYTHING WITHOUT SOMEONE TO FORCE ME TO<br>
+        MY STUFF ALL SUCKS I CANT FOCUS I CANT DO ANYTHING AND<br>
+        I EVENTUALLY WEAR EVERYONE I LIKE DOWN WITH MY ENDLESS PIT OF<br>
+        NEGATIVITY UNTIL THEY LEAVE OR I GET BLOCKED OR BANNED OR<br>
+        WHY AM I LIKE THIS WHY AM I LIKE THIS WHY AM I LIKE THIS<br>
+        (01:21)<br>
+        fuck me<br>
+        (02:07)<br>
+        i am so screwed omg<br>
+        (02:11)<br>
+        you know what im going to stay up until i make a new character<br>
+        (02:25)<br>
+        ok there something stupid thrown out how do people do this regularly<br>
+        fuck im so bad at this aghhhhh<br>
+        tomorrow is going to be miserable<br>
+        (02:57)<br>
+        this is the latest i have been up in a LONG time<br>
+        we are going to be soooo sooooooo screwed we have a class in 7 hours
+        </p>
+</article>
+
+<article>
+        <h2>2025-04-22</h2>
+        <p>(08:20)<br>
+        i have a headache why can i not just feel normal<br>
+        ffs<br>
+        at least i have therap todauy<br>
+        (09:17)<br>
+        am i too negative<br>
+        (13:50)<br>
+        am i really that creative/do i deserve a wesite<br>
+        if i can barely write anything and cant focus on<br>
+        coding for 10 fricking seconds<br>
+        (15;29)<br>
+        frick i got distracted and only got like 2 of the 24 questions<br>
+        done on the hw due on friday ahggh<br>
+        (20:35)<br>
+        im apparently extremely underweight so thats cool
+        </p>
+</article>
+
 <article>
         <h2>2025-04-21</h2>
         <p>(07:31)<br>