258 lines
9.0 KiB
HTML
258 lines
9.0 KiB
HTML
---
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title: vent/journal
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permalink: /journal
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---
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<a href="https://journal.miso.town/atom?url=https://abslimeware.neocities.org/journal">
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<img src="/assets/images/blinkers/rss.png" />
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RSS
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</a href><br>
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<a href="https://kiosk.nightfall.city/">
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probaby never on <img src="https://kiosk.nightfall.city/banner-kiosk.png"
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alt="The Neon Kiosk - Nightfall City">
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</a>
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<h1>candys journal</h1>
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<h2>basically the "hidden" vent section ive seen the webtracker nobody looks at this page</h2>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-09-26</h2>
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<p>hey, im back its been a while<br>
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still dealing with stuff and college<br>
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idk how im feeling really</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-09-17</h2>
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<p>well, i pretty quickly hit a roadblock with refactoring<br>
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so, the thing is that my current setup is terrible for refactoring<br>
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basically theres no way for the neocities page to track when i<br>
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delete stuff on the github, so id have to manually delete a ton<br>
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off the neocities and let it regenerate each time...<br>
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there is an alternative of using force: true, which<br>
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deletes every file that isnt on the repo, but then<br>
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all my old comics would be nuked since jan-aug isnt<br>
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on the repository BUT i need to get the old page names<br>
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and the only place i put them before august was on the<br>
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USENET forum but i cant find a good archive of the ng<br>
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besides google groups which stops at febuary bc thats<br>
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when google killed the integration for it, so basically<br>
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i need to find a good rec.arts.comics.creative archive<br>
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to actually refactor stuff and id need to actually port<br>
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everything over too so itll take quite a while<br>
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</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-09-13</h2>
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<p>i got a sudden surge of motivation so im gonna try to<br>
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refactor the site to make it less painful to work with!!<br>
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wish me luck</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-09-11</h2>
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<p>well i got melon to remove the character limit thing<br>
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i really hope they dont hate me</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-09-08</h2>
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<p>ok i calmed down from the third finally<br>
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im still not talking on the forum until i<br>
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talk with my therapist tho<br>
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also the site redesign is thanks to roly</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-09-03</h2>
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<img src="/personal/hate.png"><br>
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<p>god damnit god damnit god damnit god damnit<br>
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im literally being punished in the forums code<br>
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there it is proof that im i cant i dont i cant<br>
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i tried to change but im still a terrible person<br>
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the friirsefnsieoasd,cz,,,cmvmxc,<br>
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why do i keep trying this always happens i keep ruining<br>
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everyhthingfd becvause i cant just act normal freaking godamnit</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-30</h2>
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<p>i'm not sure what im doing at this point<br>
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the like jealousy panics keep happening and stuff<br>
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im kinda worried that like im being ignored on the<br>
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forum like i made a post about my anxieties about like<br>
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my website and nobody responded in like 12 hours and im<br>
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scared and stuff and like i always feel bad posting anything<br>
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negative in forums or like public areas and stuff because i<br>
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i feel like if i feel negative again im just "doing it purposely"<br>
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and like i the only ppl im super comftorable venting to repeatedly<br>
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are like hiyena and turtle ive known them forever and stuff<br>
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anxiety sucks so bad</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-28</h2>
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<p>ok college is starting to speed up again<br>
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yey..<br>
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<br>
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UPDATE WOOO IM STARTING TO MAKE IRL FRIENDS KINDA<br>
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the board game club ended up going way longer than expected<br>
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it was a really complex one ive never heard of before called<br>
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"betrayed in a cabin on a hill" it was SO good<br>
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im pretty pumped yey :D</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-27</h2>
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<p>the comic is finally starting to become sane again<br>
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in my personal life, college hasnt sped up yet so thats good<br>
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still scared of it<br>
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also i drew more slimes</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-22</h2>
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<p>aaaa why are people looking at the journal :(<br>
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nah jk it does feel weird having actual readers now hi<br>
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college has been ok so far nothing super difficult Y E T<br>
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i started a rotumblr blog too so like thats fun<br>
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not much else to talk about
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-19</h2>
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<p>first day of college?<br>
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it wasnt /so/ bad i guess..<br>
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the compsci class seems pretty dang easy<br>
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from the syllabus, so i cant wait to knock it out<br>
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tho of course that advantage wont last long..<br>
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the other class today the professor didnt show up so..<br>
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yea?<br>
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<br>
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using the computer has gotten a lot more annoying lately<br>
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since my brother insists on constantly hanging out in the room<br>
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and messing with me and it drives me crazy and i just want him<br>
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to leave and thank god hes in the other room rn so i can write<br>
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this without looking over my shoulder every 5 words
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</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-18</h2>
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<p>ok the comic is seriously going insane now<br>
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idk where its even going i need some help im going<br>
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to ask turtlehat for help again :P<br>
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also last day of summer which sucks<br>
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probaly cant work on the site as much<br>
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starting tomorrow</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-16</h2>
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<p>sorry most of the stuff here has been vent<br>
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most of my life is like online and stuff and<br>
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i dont really have m/any irl friends and stuff<br>
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and well with college starting next week i probably<br>
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will either post here a lot more or not at all<br>
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feeling really aimless again yey</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-15</h2>
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<p>its only the 15th by technicality, im writing this<br>
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an hour before midnight..<br>
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weird bug furry obsesion struck again i probably shouldnt<br>
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be on tumblr i ended up reading an ao3 fanfic about bugs<br>
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and now i am very fricked up and wana kiss a bug and aguh<br>
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reading hitchhikers to calm down but idk if im doing a comic<br>
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tomorrow will see if im still fricked up and furry when i wake up<br>
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see ya then mabye</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-14</h2>
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<p>i think almost all of my problems are from just<br>
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not being able to let go and make something without<br>
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worrying about it being "good" or not..<br>
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my webcomic is terrible from an objective standpoint<br>
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i keep just doing stupid jokes and theres no development<br>
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ever and i keep forgetting stuff that made it more unique<br>
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bc i keep falling into the same formula of "make one off joke"<br>
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and all my drawings are the same i cant innovate anything<br>
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everything ive made was just a random thought that i threw<br>
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out and most of those get shut down because im "scared" of<br>
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it the only reason i even started the comic in the first<br>
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place was i pressured myself to from the USENET group and<br>
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kept going and now im stuck in a stupid loop again of making<br>
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the same stuff over and over and god i wish i could just like<br>
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commit to a storyline that was more than 2 pages long or more<br>
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unique character designs that arent just stolen from games im<br>
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obsessed with or "inspired" recolors of another persons char<br>
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and like i cant see the stupidest stuff like "a bug society"<br>
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without losing my fking mind and i am definitely a bug/slime<br>
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furry at this point and i hate it and i wish i was normal about<br>
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these things why cant i just SEE SOMEONE ELSES WEBCOMIC ABOUT BUGS<br>
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without like losing my mind or a game cough bug fables i hate it<br>
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frickin aaaaghhh</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-13</h2>
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<p>i finally got a new computer desk!!<br>
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i can finally finally put a keyboard in<br>
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instead of using the laptop keyboard<br>
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it mmight be a bit harder to draw while i get<br>
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used to drawing at a different angle tho :P</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2023-08-12</h2>
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<p>sleeping is the best way to feel better<br>
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also i got a good score on a math placement (retake) test so yey :)</p>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-11</h2>
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<p>feeling very aimless again<br>
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like just going through the motions again<br>
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and again<br>
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college will be hell but it hasnt started yet so who knows<br>
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wish i could just be content<br>
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<br><br>
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16:00 update GOD DAMNIT<br>
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can i EVER exist in a public space without<br>
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being anti social or making everything worse for myself?!<br>
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<br>
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i really really dont unerstand the forum posting rules<br>
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and i keep ruining everything he probably hates me now<br>
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god i keep fricking everything up and the forum is going to<br>
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shut down in like 2 hours which is even worse because now<br>
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i cant even like "prove myself" at all and have to worry about
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it the entire day tomorrow why do i make things so much worse<br>
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for everyone around me why do i keep trying to do this<br>
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</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-10</h2>
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<p>tried to work on the site more but anxiety hit again<br>
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guess ill just throw something into the jounral and be done with it</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-06</h2>
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<p>being forced to go out to an overnight<br>
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camp sucks, but ill see yall later hopefully<br>
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drew the comic in advance so there shouldnt be a drop</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-08-03</h2>
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<p>what is this, my 4th attempt at a blog?<br>
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here we go again</p>
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</article>
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