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@ -11,7 +11,7 @@ This is an amalgamation of whatever I can remember over the last few weeks. I am
## Doing ## Doing
Lately I really just feel like shit. I've had a cough for going on a week and a half. According to urgent care, it's a post-viral lingering cough. I don't remember having something viral, but, well, teaching middle school means I'm exposed to all kinds of nasty shit. I'm glad to not have any other symptoms, but the cough has kept me up at night and indirectly given me a sore throat. And then, mentally, I'm going through phases. There are days where I feel totally blank, empty, detached — and then days where I feel so stressed, so angry, and completely unable to do anything about it. I took on teaching a college class this semester because I stepped back from some commitments at my full-time job and because I am at a place where I basically have my entire curriculum set for the year. Unfortunately, I am never satisfied and am constantly rebuilding and reworking entire units, and I have an incredibly challenging group this year in terms of behaviors. I feel like my heart just isn't in it this year — or, it is, but it's being beaten out every day by the horseshit I'm dealing with. I'm drowning in grading (especially for the college class — I'm *weeks* behind). I stay for hours after school and it feels like I hardly make a dent. I keep telling myself that things will get better, but it's hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel. Lately I really just feel like shit. I've had a cough for going on a week and a half. According to urgent care, it's a post-viral lingering cough. I don't remember having something viral, but, well, teaching middle school means I'm exposed to all kinds of nasty shit. I'm glad to not have any other symptoms, but the cough has kept me up at night and indirectly given me a sore throat. And then, mentally, I'm going through phases. There are days where I feel totally blank, empty, detached — and then days where I feel so stressed, so angry, and completely unable to do anything about it. I took on teaching a college class this semester because I stepped back from some commitments at my full-time job and because I am at a place where I basically have my entire curriculum set for the year. Unfortunately, I am never satisfied and am constantly rebuilding and reworking entire units, and I have an incredibly challenging group this year in terms of behaviors. I feel like my heart just isn't in it this year — or, it is, but it's being beaten out every day by the horseshit I'm dealing with. I'm drowning in grading (especially for the college class — I'm *weeks* behind). I stay for hours after school and it feels like I hardly make a dent. I keep telling myself that things will get better, but it's hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel.
I have gone deeper into the world of fountain pens. I bought a LAMY Safari and Pilot Kakuno, both in extra fine; I like both but prefer the Kakuno (as it's slightly thinner). I also bought a converter for my Preppy, but I don't think I'm using it right — I feel like I'm hardly pulling any ink. I might just try refilling cartridges with a syringe. I have gone deeper into the world of fountain pens. I bought a LAMY Safari and Pilot Kakuno, both in extra fine; I like both but prefer the Kakuno (as it's slightly thinner). I also bought a converter for my Preppy, but I don't think I'm using it right — I feel like I'm hardly pulling any ink. I might just try refilling cartridges with a syringe. I will repeat my call for any fountain pen sickos reading this to please give me guidance.
## Reading ## Reading
I finished *Accountable* by Dashka Slater because the deadline was up for the book group I joined. I enjoyed reading and discussing it, and it's upsetting how relevant it is to my school and experiences with today's students. The events at Albany are in no way an anomaly. I wish perhaps that the book offered solutions, but that's also naive of me — there are no easy answers to dismantling the effects of systemic racism and the dehumanizing vitriol teens encounter online. I finished *Accountable* by Dashka Slater because the deadline was up for the book group I joined. I enjoyed reading and discussing it, and it's upsetting how relevant it is to my school and experiences with today's students. The events at Albany are in no way an anomaly. I wish perhaps that the book offered solutions, but that's also naive of me — there are no easy answers to dismantling the effects of systemic racism and the dehumanizing vitriol teens encounter online.