From 983666ce04a7c5501cfbdc1aea380d41ccd3bcb2 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: cassie Date: Sun, 5 Oct 2025 21:51:33 -0400 Subject: [PATCH] vault backup: 2025-10-05 21:51:33 --- .obsidian/workspace.json | 31 ++++----------- content/week-notes/032.md | 1 - content/week-notes/034.md | 54 +++++++++++++++++++++---- public/index.html | 70 +++++++++++++++------------------ public/index.xml | 11 +++++- public/week-notes/32/index.html | 5 +-- public/week-notes/34/index.html | 19 ++++----- public/week-notes/index.xml | 11 +++++- 8 files changed, 115 insertions(+), 87 deletions(-) diff --git a/.obsidian/workspace.json b/.obsidian/workspace.json index 79a42ed..d8e8d1d 100644 --- a/.obsidian/workspace.json +++ b/.obsidian/workspace.json @@ -13,32 +13,16 @@ "state": { "type": "markdown", "state": { - "file": "content/week-notes/032.md", + "file": "content/week-notes/034.md", "mode": "source", "source": false, "backlinks": false }, "icon": "lucide-file", - "title": "032" - } - }, - { - "id": "ed3abcc64fc117ab", - "type": "leaf", - "state": { - "type": "markdown", - "state": { - "file": "conflict-files-obsidian-git.md", - "mode": "source", - "source": false, - "backlinks": false - }, - "icon": "lucide-file", - "title": "conflict-files-obsidian-git" + "title": "034" } } - ], - "currentTab": 1 + ] } ], "direction": "vertical" @@ -198,13 +182,13 @@ "obsidian-git:Open Git source control": false } }, - "active": "ed3abcc64fc117ab", + "active": "c696c37e6cc53af6", "lastOpenFiles": [ + "content/week-notes/032.md", + "content/week-notes/034.md", + "conflict-files-obsidian-git.md", "public/week-notes/033/index.html", "public/week-notes/033", - "content/week-notes/032.md", - "conflict-files-obsidian-git.md", - "content/week-notes/034.md", "content/week-notes/033.md", "public/week-notes/34/index.html", "public/week-notes/34", @@ -215,7 +199,6 @@ "content/week-notes/Untitled.base", "content/week-notes/031.md", "content/week-notes/Untitled 3.base", - "content/week-notes/Untitled 2.base", "content/drafts/025 unused.md", "content/posts/2019-12-20 My Top Ten Albums from the 2010s.md", "content/posts/2019-11-13 My Top Ten Video Games from the 2010s.md", diff --git a/content/week-notes/032.md b/content/week-notes/032.md index 4c3c00e..206137d 100644 --- a/content/week-notes/032.md +++ b/content/week-notes/032.md @@ -7,7 +7,6 @@ draft: false cover: https://cdn.cassie.ink/images/2025/wn/32.jpg url: week-notes/32 --- -## Doing This was the first full week of school, so naturally that consumed most of my time. Things are going well enough so far; I have one class that's really challenging, but the rest are smooth sailing. I saw an optometrist for the first time in my life this week; I noticed last year that I was having trouble seeing the board at the front of my classroom toward the end of the day. I thought it might just be fatigue, but Joe encouraged me to make an appointment even so considering I've never been. Apparently I have crossed a new threshold of old age and now need readers. I've insisted for years that I want glasses, that I feel they suit my face and personality, but the moment the doctor asked me "Do you want someone to help you pick out glasses today?" I was immediately confronted with my hubris and regretted all previous comments. The pair I ordered haven't come in yet, so expect a further meltdown next week. diff --git a/content/week-notes/034.md b/content/week-notes/034.md index 6a65f3b..46ece4b 100644 --- a/content/week-notes/034.md +++ b/content/week-notes/034.md @@ -1,16 +1,56 @@ --- -title: "(week notes #)" -date: "2025-09-29" +title: try my best to love you in this world we in (WN 34) +date: 2025-10-05 tags: - week-notes -draft: true +draft: false +cover: https://cdn.cassie.ink/images/2025/wn/34.jpg +url: week-notes/34 --- -## Doing +This week has been *rough*. As [I wrote last week](https://cassie.ink/week-notes/033/), I was out sick from work three days, so all this week I've been playing catch up — trying to dig myself out of the hole while also keeping head above water with everything new that's happening[^3]. The group of kids I have this year are really likeable, but they're incredibly immature. I'm dealing with a lot of classroom management challenges, which has rarely been an issue for me[^4]. I'm struggling to keep them in their seats and have a coherent lesson without interruptions. One class in particular is incredibly challenging and it's really starting to wear on me. I love what I *do*, in a general sense, but lately, I'm not happy to go to work. I dread the middle portion of my day in particular (tough class and then immediately into lunch duty). The highlights have been few and far between; I'm constantly disappointed in myself that I'm not doing a better job even though I know a lot of these struggles are bigger than me and my classroom. On top of that, I've had a bunch of not fun expenses crop up this week — a $2500 repair bill on my car, we had our septic tank pumped, and we're trying to get a plumber in because our shower drain isn't draining — and other adult shit[^6]. All in, this week has been filled with an overwhelming number of stressors piling together. +I did have a bit of a breakthrough with my college class, however. It's been going well for weeks now, but this week's class in particular felt like I was finally an authentic version of myself as a teacher (albeit to an older audience than I'm used to) rather than trying to be the professor I took the class with (now a friend and mentor). I feel I've at last released myself from lofty expectations, perfectionism and trying to squash myself into a mold and just be *me*. Of course, I still have the nagging voice that says that I'm not good enough or doing enough, but perhaps drowning that out is the next frontier. + +We did creative non-fiction writing this week in the class (inspired by *Mango Street*), which is my favorite genre to write, and it has me thinking about the personal writing I've done. I've always considered it unpublishable and unworthy to be shared even with friends (especially with friends?), but I simultaneously feel compelled to push myself out of that comfort zone and pursue it more seriously. It's fucking personal, though, and scary to submit myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known — but then again, this is my blog, and if I can't bring myself to publish it here, the words will forever rot and die on my hard drive,[^5] which feels a cruel fate to subject them to, not the least because I've labored so much over them. + +Otherwise, I [posted on Mastodon](https://social.lol/@cass/115275010398353612) that I think I'm about to get into fountain pens. Maybe a year ago, I got a [Platinum Preppy EF](https://www.jetpens.com/Platinum-Preppy-Fountain-Pen-Black-02-Extra-Fine/pd/24020) in a JetPens starter pack. I'd never used a fountain pen before, and when I tried it out, I found it really unpleasant to write with and stuffed it in a desk drawer. A few months ago, though, some students who are into calligraphy and bujo came to talk to me about pens, and I pulled it out to show them — and I found I loved writing with it. It ran out of ink recently, so I decided to do a little research on fountain pens and ordered a [TSWBI Swipe](https://www.jetpens.com/TWSBI-SWIPE-Smoke-Fountain-Pen-Extra-Fine/pd/32576), a couple cartridges, and a syringe. It finally came in today and I found the line *way* too thick — I have small handwriting and generally use .03 gel pens. The Preppy felt good to me — a little thicker but not unreasonable — so I'm disappointed. I've only tried the Swipe on shitty copy paper so far and will give it a go on better quality stock, but I'm thinking now of ordering a converter and bottled ink to use with the Preppy. It's such a complicated world to dive into, though! If there are fountain pen people out there reading this, I appreciate any guidance! ## Reading - +I'm still technically reading *Villette,* a few pages at a time; this time, it's less an indictment of the text and more how fucking busy I've been. I'm genuinely enjoying it (and excessively entertained by Lucy's homoerotic fascination with Madame Beck) and dying to go back to it, but I haven't been able to make time for reading this week. I'm so exhausted by the time I get home and eat dinner that I can't mentally commit to reading — and forget finding time during the school day like I've been able to in the past. ## Watching - +I'm still rewatching *Weeds* and my feelings are mostly unchanged: I'm here for Nancy and Mary Louise Parker's performance. I'm into the Ren-Mar season now, where Esteban is introduced and looms large; I remember this being when I started to turn on the show when I watched it the first time, so we'll see if I begin to wane on it again or if my feelings about him change (they have not yet — I find his mafia boss shit weird and gross even if it's a natural character progression for Nancy). ## Playing +I bought the *Final Fantasy Tactics* remaster against my better judgement (not really — I'd just hoped to have finished *Baldur's Gate 3* at this point). I was a huge fan of *Tactics Advance* as a kid and was always curious about *Tactics*, but rumors have swelled for years about a potential remaster, so I always put off playing it until the remaster dropped. I'm only in Chapter 2, but I really love it so far; it's the fluid and customizable job system that I loved from *Tactics Advance*, and I'm more interested in the story than I anticipated. I've always heard that it's super political, which it is, but there's enough of a human angle in the relationship with Ramza and Delita that I find it compelling and am excited to see what happens next. I'd like to say I'll be able to find time during the coming week to play it more. -## Listening \ No newline at end of file +## Listening +I listened to *Food in the Belly* by Xavier Rudd because "Messages" was in an episode of *Weeds*. I found the album mostly forgettable outside of the one song. + +kitty put out a new song (["cassadaga fairy garden"](https://kitty.bandcamp.com/track/cassadaga-fairy-garden)) that I think is really cool. It feels like D&B track fused with BOPPLES and Ninajirachi. I really dug ["international thirst champion,"](https://kitty.bandcamp.com/track/international-thirst-championship) too, which came out earlier this year. + +For whatever reason, I'm going back to Future's "Red Leather" a lot this week. I think it was in a dream I had, and it's been caught in my head ever since. I love a guitar in a rap song, I think (see also: Polo G's "Martin & Gina" and Raury's "Amor" — the outro, at least). + +I'd like to maybe start including my top ten songs every week in a kind of playlist feature here? Bandcamp launched a playlist feature[^1] that I could use, but it could also just be a list. Right now remote access to my Plex server is being weird and my plays haven't been scrobbling properly unless I'm on my home network[^2], so I'm working off of just the Plex stats, which seem wrong. Regardless, here's what I have for this week — a mix of most played and songs I'm just thinking about, in no particular order. + +1. "Red Leather" by Future +2. "cassadaga fairy garden" by Kitty +3. "Amor" by Raury +4. "Sickset" by Rainbow Kitten Surprise +5. "She Crows (Documented Minor Emotional Breakdown #4)" by Los Campesinos! +6. "Tin Man" by feeble little horse +7. "Messages" by Xavier Rudd +8. "It's Called: Freefall" by Rainbow Kitten Surprise +9. "Cold Love" by Rainbow Kitten Surprise +10. "I Love the Valley" by Ten in the Swear Jar + +Fuck Spotify so I'm not making the playlists there, but I guess you can make your own, if you're so compelled. + +[^1]: mobile-only for now, which is a non-starter for me, but hopefully the web editor will launch soon + +[^2]: I've contacted my ISP to hopefully try to resolve this — I'm caught behind double NAT + +[^3]: I'm mixing my metaphors here and I don't care + +[^4]: I suppose this means that I have good classroom management, but I've never really thought of it that way — I am myself and do what feels natural, which has always worked for me + +[^5]: of course I have cloud backups because I'm not irresponsible but you get my point + +[^6]: navigating in-law relationships and private things I don't really want to be writing about on my little fucking blog diff --git a/public/index.html b/public/index.html index 832ca79..7fd3c0a 100644 --- a/public/index.html +++ b/public/index.html @@ -51,6 +51,36 @@ +
+ +

try my best to love you in this world we in (WN 34)

+
+ week-notes/34 +
+ +
+ +

This week has been rough. As I wrote last week, I was out sick from work three days, so all this week I’ve been playing catch up — trying to dig myself out of the hole while also keeping head above water with everything new that’s happening1. The group of kids I have this year are really likeable, but they’re incredibly immature. I’m dealing with a lot of classroom management challenges, which has rarely been an issue for me2. I’m struggling to keep them in their seats and have a coherent lesson without interruptions. One class in particular is incredibly challenging and it’s really starting to wear on me. I love what I do, in a general sense, but lately, I’m not happy to go to work. I dread the middle portion of my day in particular (tough class and then immediately into lunch duty). The highlights have been few and far between; I’m constantly disappointed in myself that I’m not doing a better job even though I know a lot of these struggles are bigger than me and my classroom. On top of that, I’ve had a bunch of not fun expenses crop up this week — a $2500 repair bill on my car, we had our septic tank pumped, and we’re trying to get a plumber in because our shower drain isn’t draining — and other adult shit3. All in, this week has been filled with an overwhelming number of stressors piling together.

+
+ + + Read More + +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+
- -
- -

You wouldn't let it eat you wholе (WN29)

-
- week-notes/029 -
- -

Doing

-

I’m backporting a bunch of content from my old blogs so I can finally stop maintaining WordPress blogs. Here are the posts that I’ve moved over:

- -

Sorry for unintentional pings on my rss feed; also, be aware that a lot of these are very old (like, ten years) and don’t necessarily reflect who I am as a person today! I’m trying to be better about preserving and sharing my writing, so I suppose that means I must submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known. Some of these pieces, while flawed, I am still fond of — particularly the Life is Strange one. I’m planning to do more and eventually close down the blog where they originally appeared.

-
- - - Read More - -
-
  • diff --git a/public/index.xml b/public/index.xml index 55204bd..bf8fb7d 100644 --- a/public/index.xml +++ b/public/index.xml @@ -6,8 +6,15 @@ Recent content on cassie.ink Hugo en-us - Sun, 28 Sep 2025 00:00:00 +0000 + Sun, 05 Oct 2025 00:00:00 +0000 + + try my best to love you in this world we in (WN 34) + http://localhost:1313/week-notes/34/ + Sun, 05 Oct 2025 00:00:00 +0000 + http://localhost:1313/week-notes/34/ + <p>This week has been <em>rough</em>. As <a href="https://cassie.ink/week-notes/033/">I wrote last week</a>, I was out sick from work three days, so all this week I&rsquo;ve been playing catch up — trying to dig myself out of the hole while also keeping head above water with everything new that&rsquo;s happening<sup id="fnref:1"><a href="#fn:1" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">1</a></sup>. The group of kids I have this year are really likeable, but they&rsquo;re incredibly immature. I&rsquo;m dealing with a lot of classroom management challenges, which has rarely been an issue for me<sup id="fnref:2"><a href="#fn:2" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">2</a></sup>. I&rsquo;m struggling to keep them in their seats and have a coherent lesson without interruptions. One class in particular is incredibly challenging and it&rsquo;s really starting to wear on me. I love what I <em>do</em>, in a general sense, but lately, I&rsquo;m not happy to go to work. I dread the middle portion of my day in particular (tough class and then immediately into lunch duty). The highlights have been few and far between; I&rsquo;m constantly disappointed in myself that I&rsquo;m not doing a better job even though I know a lot of these struggles are bigger than me and my classroom. On top of that, I&rsquo;ve had a bunch of not fun expenses crop up this week — a $2500 repair bill on my car, we had our septic tank pumped, and we&rsquo;re trying to get a plumber in because our shower drain isn&rsquo;t draining — and other adult shit<sup id="fnref:3"><a href="#fn:3" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">3</a></sup>. All in, this week has been filled with an overwhelming number of stressors piling together.</p> <p>I did have a bit of a breakthrough with my college class, however. It&rsquo;s been going well for weeks now, but this week&rsquo;s class in particular felt like I was finally an authentic version of myself as a teacher (albeit to an older audience than I&rsquo;m used to) rather than trying to be the professor I took the class with (now a friend and mentor). I feel I&rsquo;ve at last released myself from lofty expectations, perfectionism and trying to squash myself into a mold and just be <em>me</em>. Of course, I still have the nagging voice that says that I&rsquo;m not good enough or doing enough, but perhaps drowning that out is the next frontier.</p> <p>We did creative non-fiction writing this week in the class (inspired by <em>Mango Street</em>), which is my favorite genre to write, and it has me thinking about the personal writing I&rsquo;ve done. I&rsquo;ve always considered it unpublishable and unworthy to be shared even with friends (especially with friends?), but I simultaneously feel compelled to push myself out of that comfort zone and pursue it more seriously. It&rsquo;s fucking personal, though, and scary to submit myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known — but then again, this is my blog, and if I can&rsquo;t bring myself to publish it here, the words will forever rot and die on my hard drive,<sup id="fnref:4"><a href="#fn:4" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">4</a></sup> which feels a cruel fate to subject them to, not the least because I&rsquo;ve labored so much over them.</p> <p>Otherwise, I <a href="https://social.lol/@cass/115275010398353612">posted on Mastodon</a> that I think I&rsquo;m about to get into fountain pens. Maybe a year ago, I got a <a href="https://www.jetpens.com/Platinum-Preppy-Fountain-Pen-Black-02-Extra-Fine/pd/24020">Platinum Preppy EF</a> in a JetPens starter pack. I&rsquo;d never used a fountain pen before, and when I tried it out, I found it really unpleasant to write with and stuffed it in a desk drawer. A few months ago, though, some students who are into calligraphy and bujo came to talk to me about pens, and I pulled it out to show them — and I found I loved writing with it. It ran out of ink recently, so I decided to do a little research on fountain pens and ordered a <a href="https://www.jetpens.com/TWSBI-SWIPE-Smoke-Fountain-Pen-Extra-Fine/pd/32576">TSWBI Swipe</a>, a couple cartridges, and a syringe. It finally came in today and I found the line <em>way</em> too thick — I have small handwriting and generally use .03 gel pens. The Preppy felt good to me — a little thicker but not unreasonable — so I&rsquo;m disappointed. I&rsquo;ve only tried the Swipe on shitty copy paper so far and will give it a go on better quality stock, but I&rsquo;m thinking now of ordering a converter and bottled ink to use with the Preppy. It&rsquo;s such a complicated world to dive into, though! If there are fountain pen people out there reading this, I appreciate any guidance!</p> <h2 id="reading">Reading</h2> <p>I&rsquo;m still technically reading <em>Villette,</em> a few pages at a time; this time, it&rsquo;s less an indictment of the text and more how fucking busy I&rsquo;ve been. I&rsquo;m genuinely enjoying it (and excessively entertained by Lucy&rsquo;s homoerotic fascination with Madame Beck) and dying to go back to it, but I haven&rsquo;t been able to make time for reading this week. I&rsquo;m so exhausted by the time I get home and eat dinner that I can&rsquo;t mentally commit to reading — and forget finding time during the school day like I&rsquo;ve been able to in the past.</p> <h2 id="watching">Watching</h2> <p>I&rsquo;m still rewatching <em>Weeds</em> and my feelings are mostly unchanged: I&rsquo;m here for Nancy and Mary Louise Parker&rsquo;s performance. I&rsquo;m into the Ren-Mar season now, where Esteban is introduced and looms large; I remember this being when I started to turn on the show when I watched it the first time, so we&rsquo;ll see if I begin to wane on it again or if my feelings about him change (they have not yet — I find his mafia boss shit weird and gross even if it&rsquo;s a natural character progression for Nancy).</p> <h2 id="playing">Playing</h2> <p>I bought the <em>Final Fantasy Tactics</em> remaster against my better judgement (not really — I&rsquo;d just hoped to have finished <em>Baldur&rsquo;s Gate 3</em> at this point). I was a huge fan of <em>Tactics Advance</em> as a kid and was always curious about <em>Tactics</em>, but rumors have swelled for years about a potential remaster, so I always put off playing it until the remaster dropped. I&rsquo;m only in Chapter 2, but I really love it so far; it&rsquo;s the fluid and customizable job system that I loved from <em>Tactics Advance</em>, and I&rsquo;m more interested in the story than I anticipated. I&rsquo;ve always heard that it&rsquo;s super political, which it is, but there&rsquo;s enough of a human angle in the relationship with Ramza and Delita that I find it compelling and am excited to see what happens next. I&rsquo;d like to say I&rsquo;ll be able to find time during the coming week to play it more.</p> <h2 id="listening">Listening</h2> <p>I listened to <em>Food in the Belly</em> by Xavier Rudd because &ldquo;Messages&rdquo; was in an episode of <em>Weeds</em>. I found the album mostly forgettable outside of the one song.</p> <p>kitty put out a new song (<a href="https://kitty.bandcamp.com/track/cassadaga-fairy-garden">&ldquo;cassadaga fairy garden&rdquo;</a>) that I think is really cool. It feels like D&amp;B track fused with BOPPLES and Ninajirachi. I really dug <a href="https://kitty.bandcamp.com/track/international-thirst-championship">&ldquo;international thirst champion,&rdquo;</a> too, which came out earlier this year.</p> <p>For whatever reason, I&rsquo;m going back to Future&rsquo;s &ldquo;Red Leather&rdquo; a lot this week. I think it was in a dream I had, and it&rsquo;s been caught in my head ever since. I love a guitar in a rap song, I think (see also: Polo G&rsquo;s &ldquo;Martin &amp; Gina&rdquo; and Raury&rsquo;s &ldquo;Amor&rdquo; — the outro, at least).</p> <p>I&rsquo;d like to maybe start including my top ten songs every week in a kind of playlist feature here? Bandcamp launched a playlist feature<sup id="fnref:5"><a href="#fn:5" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">5</a></sup> that I could use, but it could also just be a list. Right now remote access to my Plex server is being weird and my plays haven&rsquo;t been scrobbling properly unless I&rsquo;m on my home network<sup id="fnref:6"><a href="#fn:6" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">6</a></sup>, so I&rsquo;m working off of just the Plex stats, which seem wrong. Regardless, here&rsquo;s what I have for this week — a mix of most played and songs I&rsquo;m just thinking about, in no particular order.</p> <ol> <li>&ldquo;Red Leather&rdquo; by Future</li> <li>&ldquo;cassadaga fairy garden&rdquo; by Kitty</li> <li>&ldquo;Amor&rdquo; by Raury</li> <li>&ldquo;Sickset&rdquo; by Rainbow Kitten Surprise</li> <li>&ldquo;She Crows (Documented Minor Emotional Breakdown #4)&rdquo; by Los Campesinos!</li> <li>&ldquo;Tin Man&rdquo; by feeble little horse</li> <li>&ldquo;Messages&rdquo; by Xavier Rudd</li> <li>&ldquo;It&rsquo;s Called: Freefall&rdquo; by Rainbow Kitten Surprise</li> <li>&ldquo;Cold Love&rdquo; by Rainbow Kitten Surprise</li> <li>&ldquo;I Love the Valley&rdquo; by Ten in the Swear Jar</li> </ol> <p>Fuck Spotify so I&rsquo;m not making the playlists there, but I guess you can make your own, if you&rsquo;re so compelled.</p> <div class="footnotes" role="doc-endnotes"> <hr> <ol> <li id="fn:1"> <p>I&rsquo;m mixing my metaphors here and I don&rsquo;t care&#160;<a href="#fnref:1" class="footnote-backref" role="doc-backlink">&#x21a9;&#xfe0e;</a></p> </li> <li id="fn:2"> <p>I suppose this means that I have good classroom management, but I&rsquo;ve never really thought of it that way — I am myself and do what feels natural, which has always worked for me&#160;<a href="#fnref:2" class="footnote-backref" role="doc-backlink">&#x21a9;&#xfe0e;</a></p> </li> <li id="fn:3"> <p>navigating in-law relationships and private things I don&rsquo;t really want to be writing about on my little fucking blog&#160;<a href="#fnref:3" class="footnote-backref" role="doc-backlink">&#x21a9;&#xfe0e;</a></p> </li> <li id="fn:4"> <p>of course I have cloud backups because I&rsquo;m not irresponsible but you get my point&#160;<a href="#fnref:4" class="footnote-backref" role="doc-backlink">&#x21a9;&#xfe0e;</a></p> </li> <li id="fn:5"> <p>mobile-only for now, which is a non-starter for me, but hopefully the web editor will launch soon&#160;<a href="#fnref:5" class="footnote-backref" role="doc-backlink">&#x21a9;&#xfe0e;</a></p> </li> <li id="fn:6"> <p>I&rsquo;ve contacted my ISP to hopefully try to resolve this — I&rsquo;m caught behind double NAT&#160;<a href="#fnref:6" class="footnote-backref" role="doc-backlink">&#x21a9;&#xfe0e;</a></p> </li> </ol> </div> + I hate to say that I miss you first (WN33) http://localhost:1313/week-notes/033/ @@ -20,7 +27,7 @@ http://localhost:1313/week-notes/32/ Sun, 14 Sep 2025 00:00:00 +0000 http://localhost:1313/week-notes/32/ - <h2 id="doing">Doing</h2> <p>This was the first full week of school, so naturally that consumed most of my time. Things are going well enough so far; I have one class that&rsquo;s really challenging, but the rest are smooth sailing.</p> <p>I saw an optometrist for the first time in my life this week; I noticed last year that I was having trouble seeing the board at the front of my classroom toward the end of the day. I thought it might just be fatigue, but Joe encouraged me to make an appointment even so considering I&rsquo;ve never been. Apparently I have crossed a new threshold of old age and now need readers. I&rsquo;ve insisted for years that I want glasses, that I feel they suit my face and personality, but the moment the doctor asked me &ldquo;Do you want someone to help you pick out glasses today?&rdquo; I was immediately confronted with my hubris and regretted all previous comments. The pair I ordered haven&rsquo;t come in yet, so expect a further meltdown next week.</p> <p>On the computer nerd front, I&rsquo;m trying out <a href="https://www.getmailspring.com/">Mailspring</a> in lieu of Thunderbird (which is great, but the interface is clunky and ugly and I am a fundamentally vain person), and I subscribed to <a href="https://obsidian.md/sync">Obsidian Sync</a> for my vaults with work notes and my (non-blog, creative, unpublishable) writing. Obsidian offers a remarkably generous educator discount (40%). I&rsquo;ve also taken my first foray into Soulseek, for which I&rsquo;m about thirty years late to the party.</p> <p>Joe and I had a long conversation this week about some serious shit that isn&rsquo;t really appropriate to write about my little fucking blog, but the bit I do feel comfortable sharing here is my lifelong obsession with death and dying — not in a macabre true crime bullshit way, but in a perhaps obsessive and compulsive anxiety about my impending death and the ones of those I love. He has encouraged therapy; I said I would consider it for his sake. I believe he then encouraged me to also work on my lack of self-worth in therapy, too.</p> <p>My volleyball rec league started back up, so I now have that and my Sunday morning runs as regular routines. I&rsquo;m running a 5K in early November and feel more than prepared, endurance-wise (the Sunday runs are five to six miles), but I&rsquo;d really like to push myself to improve on speed before it rolls around.</p> <h2 id="reading">Reading</h2> <p>I finished <em>All Boys Aren&rsquo;t Blue</em> by George M. Johnson at last. I think I need a break from young adult literature for a while — <em>Perdido Street Station</em> was next on my list, but a student teased me about never having finished <em>Villette</em>, so I&rsquo;m tempted to give it another shot.</p> <h2 id="watching">Watching</h2> <p>I&rsquo;ve kept on with <em>Downton Abbey</em> on and off; it&rsquo;s become my folding laundry show. I&rsquo;m now almost finished with the last season. It&rsquo;s remained entertaining, though I wouldn&rsquo;t consider any of it <em>good</em> in an objective sense beyond the first season. I think there are a few storylines that are completely misguided and borderline intolerable (Bates and Anna, mostly, and Prince Kuragin), but I haven&rsquo;t been compelled to <em>stop watching</em>, which indicates something — if only my low standards for what I consume whilst folding underwear.</p> <h2 id="listening">Listening</h2> <p>Plex had a data breach that meant I had to change my password and do some reauthentication that I didn&rsquo;t get around to until the weekend, so I streamed a lot of music off the Bandcamp app when away from home — primarily <em>EELS</em> by Being Dead, which I <a href="https://cassie.ink/week-notes/025/">first mentioned back in July</a> and remain a great fan of.</p> <p>A student of mine recommended that I listen to Tyler, The Creator, which I now feel obligated to do, though I think I know what the end result will be. He gave me three albums, and I think I&rsquo;m going to start with <em>CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST</em>. More to come on that.</p> <p>I also ripped a better quality version of <em>&hellip; A Better View of the Rising Moon</em> by 1997, an album I really liked when I was 12, so I&rsquo;m listening through that for the first time in probably over a decade. No detailed thoughts at the moment, and any that I could offer would be undoubtedly clouded by nostalgia. My best sweeping generalization is that it&rsquo;s not a bad album, but it&rsquo;s dated and kind of for children, which I no longer am. I need readers, after all.</p> + <p>This was the first full week of school, so naturally that consumed most of my time. Things are going well enough so far; I have one class that&rsquo;s really challenging, but the rest are smooth sailing.</p> <p>I saw an optometrist for the first time in my life this week; I noticed last year that I was having trouble seeing the board at the front of my classroom toward the end of the day. I thought it might just be fatigue, but Joe encouraged me to make an appointment even so considering I&rsquo;ve never been. Apparently I have crossed a new threshold of old age and now need readers. I&rsquo;ve insisted for years that I want glasses, that I feel they suit my face and personality, but the moment the doctor asked me &ldquo;Do you want someone to help you pick out glasses today?&rdquo; I was immediately confronted with my hubris and regretted all previous comments. The pair I ordered haven&rsquo;t come in yet, so expect a further meltdown next week.</p> <p>On the computer nerd front, I&rsquo;m trying out <a href="https://www.getmailspring.com/">Mailspring</a> in lieu of Thunderbird (which is great, but the interface is clunky and ugly and I am a fundamentally vain person), and I subscribed to <a href="https://obsidian.md/sync">Obsidian Sync</a> for my vaults with work notes and my (non-blog, creative, unpublishable) writing. Obsidian offers a remarkably generous educator discount (40%). I&rsquo;ve also taken my first foray into Soulseek, for which I&rsquo;m about thirty years late to the party.</p> <p>Joe and I had a long conversation this week about some serious shit that isn&rsquo;t really appropriate to write about my little fucking blog, but the bit I do feel comfortable sharing here is my lifelong obsession with death and dying — not in a macabre true crime bullshit way, but in a perhaps obsessive and compulsive anxiety about my impending death and the ones of those I love. He has encouraged therapy; I said I would consider it for his sake. I believe he then encouraged me to also work on my lack of self-worth in therapy, too.</p> <p>My volleyball rec league started back up, so I now have that and my Sunday morning runs as regular routines. I&rsquo;m running a 5K in early November and feel more than prepared, endurance-wise (the Sunday runs are five to six miles), but I&rsquo;d really like to push myself to improve on speed before it rolls around.</p> <h2 id="reading">Reading</h2> <p>I finished <em>All Boys Aren&rsquo;t Blue</em> by George M. Johnson at last. I think I need a break from young adult literature for a while — <em>Perdido Street Station</em> was next on my list, but a student teased me about never having finished <em>Villette</em>, so I&rsquo;m tempted to give it another shot.</p> <h2 id="watching">Watching</h2> <p>I&rsquo;ve kept on with <em>Downton Abbey</em> on and off; it&rsquo;s become my folding laundry show. I&rsquo;m now almost finished with the last season. It&rsquo;s remained entertaining, though I wouldn&rsquo;t consider any of it <em>good</em> in an objective sense beyond the first season. I think there are a few storylines that are completely misguided and borderline intolerable (Bates and Anna, mostly, and Prince Kuragin), but I haven&rsquo;t been compelled to <em>stop watching</em>, which indicates something — if only my low standards for what I consume whilst folding underwear.</p> <h2 id="listening">Listening</h2> <p>Plex had a data breach that meant I had to change my password and do some reauthentication that I didn&rsquo;t get around to until the weekend, so I streamed a lot of music off the Bandcamp app when away from home — primarily <em>EELS</em> by Being Dead, which I <a href="https://cassie.ink/week-notes/025/">first mentioned back in July</a> and remain a great fan of.</p> <p>A student of mine recommended that I listen to Tyler, The Creator, which I now feel obligated to do, though I think I know what the end result will be. He gave me three albums, and I think I&rsquo;m going to start with <em>CALL ME IF YOU GET LOST</em>. More to come on that.</p> <p>I also ripped a better quality version of <em>&hellip; A Better View of the Rising Moon</em> by 1997, an album I really liked when I was 12, so I&rsquo;m listening through that for the first time in probably over a decade. No detailed thoughts at the moment, and any that I could offer would be undoubtedly clouded by nostalgia. My best sweeping generalization is that it&rsquo;s not a bad album, but it&rsquo;s dated and kind of for children, which I no longer am. I need readers, after all.</p> All my pleasures: guilty (WN31) diff --git a/public/week-notes/32/index.html b/public/week-notes/32/index.html index cd0e1e5..1f81fbc 100644 --- a/public/week-notes/32/index.html +++ b/public/week-notes/32/index.html @@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ - @@ -66,8 +66,7 @@ I saw an optometrist for the first time in my life this week; I noticed last yea
    -

    Doing

    -

    This was the first full week of school, so naturally that consumed most of my time. Things are going well enough so far; I have one class that’s really challenging, but the rest are smooth sailing.

    +

    This was the first full week of school, so naturally that consumed most of my time. Things are going well enough so far; I have one class that’s really challenging, but the rest are smooth sailing.

    I saw an optometrist for the first time in my life this week; I noticed last year that I was having trouble seeing the board at the front of my classroom toward the end of the day. I thought it might just be fatigue, but Joe encouraged me to make an appointment even so considering I’ve never been. Apparently I have crossed a new threshold of old age and now need readers. I’ve insisted for years that I want glasses, that I feel they suit my face and personality, but the moment the doctor asked me “Do you want someone to help you pick out glasses today?” I was immediately confronted with my hubris and regretted all previous comments. The pair I ordered haven’t come in yet, so expect a further meltdown next week.

    On the computer nerd front, I’m trying out Mailspring in lieu of Thunderbird (which is great, but the interface is clunky and ugly and I am a fundamentally vain person), and I subscribed to Obsidian Sync for my vaults with work notes and my (non-blog, creative, unpublishable) writing. Obsidian offers a remarkably generous educator discount (40%). I’ve also taken my first foray into Soulseek, for which I’m about thirty years late to the party.

    Joe and I had a long conversation this week about some serious shit that isn’t really appropriate to write about my little fucking blog, but the bit I do feel comfortable sharing here is my lifelong obsession with death and dying — not in a macabre true crime bullshit way, but in a perhaps obsessive and compulsive anxiety about my impending death and the ones of those I love. He has encouraged therapy; I said I would consider it for his sake. I believe he then encouraged me to also work on my lack of self-worth in therapy, too.

    diff --git a/public/week-notes/34/index.html b/public/week-notes/34/index.html index 2ba1f33..b014cfe 100644 --- a/public/week-notes/34/index.html +++ b/public/week-notes/34/index.html @@ -65,33 +65,34 @@
    -

    This week has been rough. As I wrote last week, I was out sick from work three days, so all this week I’ve been playing catch up — trying to dig myself out of the hole while also keeping head above water with everything new that’s happening1. The group of kids I have this year are really likeable, but they’re incredibly immature. I’m dealing with a lot of classroom management challenges, which has rarely been an issue for me2. I’m struggling to keep them in their seats and have a coherent lesson without interruptions. One class in particular is incredibly challenging and it’s really starting to wear on me. I love what I do, in a general sense, but lately, I’m not happy to go to work. I dread the middle portion of my day in particular (tough class and then immediately into lunch duty). The highlights have been few and far between; I’m constantly disappointed in myself that I’m not doing a better job even though I know a lot of these struggles are bigger than me and my classroom. On top of that, I’ve had a bunch of not fun expenses crop up this week — a $2500 repair bill on my car, we had our septic tank pumped, and we’re trying to get a plumber in because our shower drain isn’t draining — and other adult shit3. All in, this week has been filled with an overwhelming number of stressors piling together.

    +

    This week has been rough. As I wrote last week, I was out sick from work three days, so all this week I’ve been playing catch up — trying to dig myself out of the hole while also keeping head above water with everything new that’s happening1. The group of kids I have this year are really likeable, but they’re incredibly immature. I’m dealing with a lot of classroom management challenges, which has rarely been an issue for me2. I’m struggling to keep them in their seats and have a coherent lesson without interruptions. One class in particular is incredibly challenging and it’s really starting to wear on me. I love what I do, in a general sense, but lately, I’m not happy to go to work. I dread the middle portion of my day in particular (tough class and then immediately into lunch duty). The highlights have been few and far between; I’m constantly disappointed in myself that I’m not doing a better job even though I know a lot of these struggles are bigger than me and my classroom. On top of that, I’ve had a bunch of not fun expenses crop up this week — a $2500 repair bill on my car, we had our septic tank pumped, and we’re trying to get a plumber in because our shower drain isn’t draining — and other adult shit3. All in, this week has been filled with an overwhelming number of stressors piling together.

    I did have a bit of a breakthrough with my college class, however. It’s been going well for weeks now, but this week’s class in particular felt like I was finally an authentic version of myself as a teacher (albeit to an older audience than I’m used to) rather than trying to be the professor I took the class with (now a friend and mentor). I feel I’ve at last released myself from lofty expectations, perfectionism and trying to squash myself into a mold and just be me. Of course, I still have the nagging voice that says that I’m not good enough or doing enough, but perhaps drowning that out is the next frontier.

    -

    We did creative non-fiction writing this week in the class (inspired by Mango Street), which is my favorite genre to write, and it has me thinking about the personal writing I’ve done. I’ve always considered it unpublishable and unworthy to be shared even with friends, but I simultaneously feel compelled to push myself out of that comfort zone and pursue it more seriously. It’s fucking personal, though, and scary to submit myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known — but then again, this is my blog, and if I can’t bring myself to publish it here, the words will forever rot and die on my hard drive,4 which feels a cruel fate to subject them to, not the least because I’ve labored so much over them.

    -

    I posted on Mastodon that I think I’m about to get into fountain pens. Maybe a year ago, I got a Platinum Preppy EF in a JetPens starter pack. I’d never used a fountain pen before, and when I tried it out, I found it really unpleasant to write with and stuffed it in a desk drawer. A few months ago, though, some students who are into calligraphy and bujo came to talk to me about pens, and I pulled it out to show them — and I found I loved writing with it. It ran out of ink recently, so I decided to do a little research on fountain pens and ordered a TSWBI Swipe, a couple cartridges, and a syringe. It finally came in today and I found the line way too thick — I have small handwriting and generally use .03 gel pens. The Preppy felt good to me — a little thicker but not unreasonable — so I’m disappointed. I’ve only tried the Swipe on shitty copy paper so far and will give it a go on better quality stock, but I’m thinking now of ordering a converter and bottled ink to use with the Preppy. It’s such a complicated world to dive into, though! If there are fountain pen people out there reading this, I appreciate any guidance!

    +

    We did creative non-fiction writing this week in the class (inspired by Mango Street), which is my favorite genre to write, and it has me thinking about the personal writing I’ve done. I’ve always considered it unpublishable and unworthy to be shared even with friends (especially with friends?), but I simultaneously feel compelled to push myself out of that comfort zone and pursue it more seriously. It’s fucking personal, though, and scary to submit myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known — but then again, this is my blog, and if I can’t bring myself to publish it here, the words will forever rot and die on my hard drive,4 which feels a cruel fate to subject them to, not the least because I’ve labored so much over them.

    +

    Otherwise, I posted on Mastodon that I think I’m about to get into fountain pens. Maybe a year ago, I got a Platinum Preppy EF in a JetPens starter pack. I’d never used a fountain pen before, and when I tried it out, I found it really unpleasant to write with and stuffed it in a desk drawer. A few months ago, though, some students who are into calligraphy and bujo came to talk to me about pens, and I pulled it out to show them — and I found I loved writing with it. It ran out of ink recently, so I decided to do a little research on fountain pens and ordered a TSWBI Swipe, a couple cartridges, and a syringe. It finally came in today and I found the line way too thick — I have small handwriting and generally use .03 gel pens. The Preppy felt good to me — a little thicker but not unreasonable — so I’m disappointed. I’ve only tried the Swipe on shitty copy paper so far and will give it a go on better quality stock, but I’m thinking now of ordering a converter and bottled ink to use with the Preppy. It’s such a complicated world to dive into, though! If there are fountain pen people out there reading this, I appreciate any guidance!

    Reading

    I’m still technically reading Villette, a few pages at a time; this time, it’s less an indictment of the text and more how fucking busy I’ve been. I’m genuinely enjoying it (and excessively entertained by Lucy’s homoerotic fascination with Madame Beck) and dying to go back to it, but I haven’t been able to make time for reading this week. I’m so exhausted by the time I get home and eat dinner that I can’t mentally commit to reading — and forget finding time during the school day like I’ve been able to in the past.

    Watching

    -

    I’m still rewatching Weeds and my feelings are mostly unchanged: I’m here for Nancy and Mary Louise Parker’s performance. I’m into the Ren-Mar season now, where Esteban is introduced and looms large; I remember this being when I started to turn on the show, so we’ll see if I begin to wane on it.

    +

    I’m still rewatching Weeds and my feelings are mostly unchanged: I’m here for Nancy and Mary Louise Parker’s performance. I’m into the Ren-Mar season now, where Esteban is introduced and looms large; I remember this being when I started to turn on the show when I watched it the first time, so we’ll see if I begin to wane on it again or if my feelings about him change (they have not yet — I find his mafia boss shit weird and gross even if it’s a natural character progression for Nancy).

    Playing

    -

    I bought the Final Fantasy Tactics remaster against my better judgement (not really — I’d just hoped to have finished Baldur’s Gate 3 at this point). I was a huge fan of Tactics Advance as a kid and was always curious about Tactics, but rumors have swelled for years about a potential remaster, so I always put off playing it until the remaster dropped. I’m only in Chapter 2, but I really love it so far; it’s the fluid and customizable job system that I loved from Tactics Advance, and I’m more interested in the story than I anticipated. I’ve always heard that it’s super political, which it is, but there’s enough of a human angle in the relationship with Ramza and Delita that I find it compelling and am excited to see what happens next.

    +

    I bought the Final Fantasy Tactics remaster against my better judgement (not really — I’d just hoped to have finished Baldur’s Gate 3 at this point). I was a huge fan of Tactics Advance as a kid and was always curious about Tactics, but rumors have swelled for years about a potential remaster, so I always put off playing it until the remaster dropped. I’m only in Chapter 2, but I really love it so far; it’s the fluid and customizable job system that I loved from Tactics Advance, and I’m more interested in the story than I anticipated. I’ve always heard that it’s super political, which it is, but there’s enough of a human angle in the relationship with Ramza and Delita that I find it compelling and am excited to see what happens next. I’d like to say I’ll be able to find time during the coming week to play it more.

    Listening

    -

    I listened to Food in the Belly by Xavier Rudd because “Messages” was in an episode of Weeds. I found it mostly forgettable, aside from “Messages.”

    +

    I listened to Food in the Belly by Xavier Rudd because “Messages” was in an episode of Weeds. I found the album mostly forgettable outside of the one song.

    kitty put out a new song (“cassadaga fairy garden”) that I think is really cool. It feels like D&B track fused with BOPPLES and Ninajirachi. I really dug “international thirst champion,” too, which came out earlier this year.

    For whatever reason, I’m going back to Future’s “Red Leather” a lot this week. I think it was in a dream I had, and it’s been caught in my head ever since. I love a guitar in a rap song, I think (see also: Polo G’s “Martin & Gina” and Raury’s “Amor” — the outro, at least).

    -

    I’d like to maybe start including my top ten songs every week in a kind of playlist feature here? Bandcamp launched a playlist feature5 that I could use, but it could also just be a list. Right now remote access to my Plex server is being weird and my plays haven’t been scrobbling properly unless I’m on my home network6, so I’m working off of just the Plex stats, which seem wrong. Regardless, here’s what I have for this week.

    +

    I’d like to maybe start including my top ten songs every week in a kind of playlist feature here? Bandcamp launched a playlist feature5 that I could use, but it could also just be a list. Right now remote access to my Plex server is being weird and my plays haven’t been scrobbling properly unless I’m on my home network6, so I’m working off of just the Plex stats, which seem wrong. Regardless, here’s what I have for this week — a mix of most played and songs I’m just thinking about, in no particular order.

    1. “Red Leather” by Future
    2. “cassadaga fairy garden” by Kitty
      3. -
    3. “Clown Blood/Orpheus’ Bobbing Head” by Los Campesinos!
      4. +
    4. “Amor” by Raury
    5. “Sickset” by Rainbow Kitten Surprise
    6. “She Crows (Documented Minor Emotional Breakdown #4)” by Los Campesinos!
    7. “Tin Man” by feeble little horse
      8. -
    8. “Good News” by Mac Miller
      9. +
    9. “Messages” by Xavier Rudd
    10. “It’s Called: Freefall” by Rainbow Kitten Surprise
    11. “Cold Love” by Rainbow Kitten Surprise
    12. “I Love the Valley” by Ten in the Swear Jar
    +

    Fuck Spotify so I’m not making the playlists there, but I guess you can make your own, if you’re so compelled.

      diff --git a/public/week-notes/index.xml b/public/week-notes/index.xml index 6d4f9fd..a805b97 100644 --- a/public/week-notes/index.xml +++ b/public/week-notes/index.xml @@ -6,8 +6,15 @@ Recent content in Week-Notes on cassie.ink Hugo en-us - Sun, 28 Sep 2025 00:00:00 +0000 + Sun, 05 Oct 2025 00:00:00 +0000 + + try my best to love you in this world we in (WN 34) + http://localhost:1313/week-notes/34/ + Sun, 05 Oct 2025 00:00:00 +0000 + http://localhost:1313/week-notes/34/ + <p>This week has been <em>rough</em>. As <a href="https://cassie.ink/week-notes/033/">I wrote last week</a>, I was out sick from work three days, so all this week I&rsquo;ve been playing catch up — trying to dig myself out of the hole while also keeping head above water with everything new that&rsquo;s happening<sup id="fnref:1"><a href="#fn:1" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">1</a></sup>. The group of kids I have this year are really likeable, but they&rsquo;re incredibly immature. I&rsquo;m dealing with a lot of classroom management challenges, which has rarely been an issue for me<sup id="fnref:2"><a href="#fn:2" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">2</a></sup>. I&rsquo;m struggling to keep them in their seats and have a coherent lesson without interruptions. One class in particular is incredibly challenging and it&rsquo;s really starting to wear on me. I love what I <em>do</em>, in a general sense, but lately, I&rsquo;m not happy to go to work. I dread the middle portion of my day in particular (tough class and then immediately into lunch duty). The highlights have been few and far between; I&rsquo;m constantly disappointed in myself that I&rsquo;m not doing a better job even though I know a lot of these struggles are bigger than me and my classroom. On top of that, I&rsquo;ve had a bunch of not fun expenses crop up this week — a $2500 repair bill on my car, we had our septic tank pumped, and we&rsquo;re trying to get a plumber in because our shower drain isn&rsquo;t draining — and other adult shit<sup id="fnref:3"><a href="#fn:3" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">3</a></sup>. All in, this week has been filled with an overwhelming number of stressors piling together.</p> + I hate to say that I miss you first (WN33) http://localhost:1313/week-notes/033/ @@ -20,7 +27,7 @@ http://localhost:1313/week-notes/32/ Sun, 14 Sep 2025 00:00:00 +0000 http://localhost:1313/week-notes/32/ - <h2 id="doing">Doing</h2> <p>This was the first full week of school, so naturally that consumed most of my time. Things are going well enough so far; I have one class that&rsquo;s really challenging, but the rest are smooth sailing.</p> <p>I saw an optometrist for the first time in my life this week; I noticed last year that I was having trouble seeing the board at the front of my classroom toward the end of the day. I thought it might just be fatigue, but Joe encouraged me to make an appointment even so considering I&rsquo;ve never been. Apparently I have crossed a new threshold of old age and now need readers. I&rsquo;ve insisted for years that I want glasses, that I feel they suit my face and personality, but the moment the doctor asked me &ldquo;Do you want someone to help you pick out glasses today?&rdquo; I was immediately confronted with my hubris and regretted all previous comments. The pair I ordered haven&rsquo;t come in yet, so expect a further meltdown next week.</p> + <p>This was the first full week of school, so naturally that consumed most of my time. Things are going well enough so far; I have one class that&rsquo;s really challenging, but the rest are smooth sailing.</p> <p>I saw an optometrist for the first time in my life this week; I noticed last year that I was having trouble seeing the board at the front of my classroom toward the end of the day. I thought it might just be fatigue, but Joe encouraged me to make an appointment even so considering I&rsquo;ve never been. Apparently I have crossed a new threshold of old age and now need readers. I&rsquo;ve insisted for years that I want glasses, that I feel they suit my face and personality, but the moment the doctor asked me &ldquo;Do you want someone to help you pick out glasses today?&rdquo; I was immediately confronted with my hubris and regretted all previous comments. The pair I ordered haven&rsquo;t come in yet, so expect a further meltdown next week.</p> All my pleasures: guilty (WN31)