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<time datetime="2024-01-01T00:00:00&#43;00:00">January 1, 2024</time>
<h1>my year in lists</h1>
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my-year-in-lists
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<p>I&rsquo;m not a New Years Resolution person; listening to a lot of <a href="https://loscampesinos.bandcamp.com/track/my-year-in-lists-2">&ldquo;My Year in Lists&rdquo;</a> by Los Campesinos! as a teen made me quite cynical about the whole thing.</p>
<p>However, I <em>am</em> a very goal-oriented, reflective person. In late 2022, after years of gaining weight and developing some really negative patterns of self-talk around my body image, I decided to join a gym. Of course I&rsquo;d like to see the number on the scale go down, but the main goal was just to get healthier and develop healthier habits. I started running, because that&rsquo;s what I used to do (not well), and eventually convinced a friend to join with me. Together, we set the goal of running a 5K, and we did our first in May of 2023, in about 41 minutes (in our defense, it was an <em>extremely</em> hilly course, but also progress, progress<sup id="fnref:1"><a href="#fn:1" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">1</a></sup>). We ran three more as the year went by; my most recent was November, where I finished in around 36 minutes.</p>
<p>I&rsquo;m still not happy with the number on the scale, but I&rsquo;m also trying not to focus on it too much.</p>
<p>I&rsquo;ve made a new gym buddy (adding, not replacing) who is <em>very</em> rigid in her visits, so I&rsquo;m hoping that will help me continue to progress. I&rsquo;m also doing a weekly volleyball rec league with some friends. And, always, I have the oblique goal to eat healthier.<sup id="fnref:2"><a href="#fn:2" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">2</a></sup></p>
<p>2023 was also the year I bought a house with my partner. We&rsquo;re still unpacking, but I&rsquo;m excited to finally feel rooted in one place. We&rsquo;ve lived in the same general area for the last seven years, but always in apartments that left me feeling transient. I hesitated to decorate because I worried about what would happen when we moved on to a new place (<strong>case in point:</strong> I decided to break this habit and bought $500 in rugs last year; a month later, I was under contract on my house). Now that we&rsquo;re in a more permanent spot, I don&rsquo;t feel as much like a visitor.<sup id="fnref:3"><a href="#fn:3" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">3</a></sup></p>
<p>And finally speaking of homes, I want to try to make this space my new home on the internet. I&rsquo;ve had a strange relationship with the internet; I was on it near constantly as a teen. I ran a large fan forum for years, dabbled in web design and hosting, and posted regularly in a LiveJournal blog about the minutiae of high school life (no, I will not link to any of it; I&rsquo;ve scrubbed a lot of it, and much of it has been lost to time, but there are traces).</p>
<p>I like writing. I like journalling. I like blogging. I find them to be cathartic, to be outlets, to be mementos, and I want to commit to doing it all more often. This last year especially, I&rsquo;ve grown negative in my feelings toward the internet and have been making efforts to decouple from &ldquo;big&rdquo; social media. But I still yearn to connect, to put my voice and words out there. This feels like the healthy path: independent, small web. A space for me, by me, controlled by me.<sup id="fnref:4"><a href="#fn:4" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">4</a></sup></p>
<p>But the question has always been what to write about. I&rsquo;m inspired by the calls of others (<a href="https://library.xandra.cc/everyone-should-blog/">EveryoneShouldBlog.txt</a>, <a href="https://robert.bearblog.dev/write-every-day/">Write every day</a>), and I&rsquo;ve considered taking on a challenge like <a href="https://100daystooffload.com/">#100DaysToOffload</a> (if I do, consider this day one). But about <em>what</em>? And are my thoughts really that interesting? Does it even matter if they are or aren&rsquo;t?</p>
<p>I see blogs often by folks who are engineers and programmers and developers, writing about their web projects or how they fix problems using tech. Selection bias exists; of course those are the folks writing on the web. I&rsquo;m a middle school English teacher. I never feel like that&rsquo;s an interesting thing to write about, <a href="/on-teaching">passionate as I am about it</a>. Teacher blogs have always struck me as performative (and ugly), but given what a big piece of my life teaching is, perhaps there&rsquo;s more there than I think.</p>
<p>Internet privacy is important, so I&rsquo;ve hesitated to blog about events of my personal life. Also, as a public space — albeit one I don&rsquo;t openly advertise to friends — it feels weird and wrong to write about my personal relationships, like I&rsquo;m mining the experiences I have with others for #content (I&rsquo;m overthinking this) without the consent of my friends.</p>
<p>And then I get caught in the idea that if I <em>am</em> to write something, it needs to be fully-formed, long-form thoughts. It doesn&rsquo;t. Being an English major really did a number on me.<sup id="fnref:5"><a href="#fn:5" class="footnote-ref" role="doc-noteref">5</a></sup> What matters is the writing, the thinking, the reflecting — and satisfying my urge to feel heard, to catalog my life in some way.</p>
<p>So: this is day one of this year. This is what I plan to do.</p>
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<ol>
<li id="fn:1">
<p><strong>resolution one:</strong> be kinder to and more patient with myself&#160;<a href="#fnref:1" class="footnote-backref" role="doc-backlink">&#x21a9;&#xfe0e;</a></p>
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<li id="fn:2">
<p><strong>resolution two:</strong> embrace fitness and develop healthier habits&#160;<a href="#fnref:2" class="footnote-backref" role="doc-backlink">&#x21a9;&#xfe0e;</a></p>
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<li id="fn:3">
<p><strong>resolution three:</strong> make a home that feels like mine (decorate)&#160;<a href="#fnref:3" class="footnote-backref" role="doc-backlink">&#x21a9;&#xfe0e;</a></p>
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<li id="fn:4">
<p><strong>resolution four:</strong> blog more; invest time in healthier spaces on the internet&#160;<a href="#fnref:4" class="footnote-backref" role="doc-backlink">&#x21a9;&#xfe0e;</a></p>
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<p><strong>resolution five:</strong> short posts are okay; not everything needs to be a manifesto (yes it does, but manifestos can be short, too)&#160;<a href="#fnref:5" class="footnote-backref" role="doc-backlink">&#x21a9;&#xfe0e;</a></p>
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