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etherware-novice 2024-11-16 18:26:08 -06:00
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@ -17,6 +17,40 @@ permalink: /journal
<h2>basically the "hidden" vent section ive seen the webtracker nobody looks at this page</h2>
<article>
<h2>2024-11-16</h2>
<p>the fear of being a newbie<br>
basically if theres one thing i hate more than anything<br>
its not being able to feel proud of my work<br>
and thats the whole thing about sucking at something/<br>
doing it scared that i hate its that like i cant<br>
feel proud of it, or i feel like just like a little kid<br>
playing with their stupid legos while like the actually experienced<br>
guys go and have fun and the progress is so slow i feel like<br>
im doing it wrong but no i just have to keep making dumb stupid<br>
stuff and it feels terrible and<br>
especially with all the people who've been doing this stuff for<br>
like years like i know that normal (not insane) people look at<br>
that and are all "oh man theyve been doing it for so long<br>
of course theyre better and there was a time that they sucked<br>
too" and get motivated and stuff i wish i could be like that<br>
for me its more "oh man theyve been doing this 10 years<br>
that- i dont even know if i'll still be doing this in 10<br>
years and what if i never get that good and oh god how will i<br>
ever be able to compete with that even if i do keep at it for<br>
10 years then theyll have done it for 20!!!! and like i just<br>
wish i could like be ,more, like i didnt worry about it like<br>
a normal person like i could just go make stuff and not worry<br>
about how bad it is and feel panicked and beg people for help<br>
and make them hate me over and over and over and i could just<br>
write, or like draw, or whatever<br>
the only field that this doesnt apply to is like coding bc<br>
i have beein doing it for 10 years and stuff but like<br>
<br>
i wish i could take as much pride in my own stuff as i do in theirs<br>
but like not in a stealing way</p>
</article>
<article>
<h2>2024-11-14</h2>
<p>doing it scared why cant i do it scared<br>