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@ -17,6 +17,62 @@ permalink: /journal
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<h2>basically the "hidden" vent section ive seen the webtracker nobody looks at this page</h2>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-12-19</h2>
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<p>(18:15)<br>
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been in a bit of a social slump lately<br>
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barely checked discord/tumbr or the melonland forum<br>
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at least moosky and turtle are nice to talk to<br>
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and i really hope the server guys will want to talk again<br>
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also i set up my raspberry pis again and they are cool servers :D<br>
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(18:22)<br>
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oh yea i guess i didnt mention it before<br>
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parents are back but they have to go out again on christmas/channukah<br>
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tho this time theyll be back before channukahs over..<br>
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ig they have a lot of stuff to bring from my grandmas house<br>
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(19:21)<br>
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man screw this im not in the right headspace to make another comic<br>
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i dont even care if i skipped twice im drowning<br>
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(20:36)<br>
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god d a m n it why do i care so much about a stupid tubr event<br>
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im thrwoing shit at the wall and i feel terrible about it<br>
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(21:31)<br>
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okok ive calmed down a bit<br>
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im not terrible im not terrible im not terrible<br>
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as long as im not inflicting other people with it<br>
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its fine im fine<br>
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thats why i keep this blog i guess now just to dump all<br>
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my terrible thoughts instead f inflicting it on other people<br>
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(21:34)<br>
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ok so the whole problem stems from wanting to be involved<br>
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with the collaborative stuff my friends are doing<br>
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(yes bench is my friend again they forgave me and refriended)<br>
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and also feeling like im unable to do that because of all the<br>
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failures in the past so i try to reach out for help to do that<br>
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in a frantic stupid terrible ourobouros that just hurts people<br>
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but so as long as i just ignore that feeling long enough i can<br>
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maybe do something cool with them<br>
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its almost paradoxical, huh.. to do the stuff i want to i have<br>
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to give up on doing the things now and stop letting it weigh on<br>
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my mind.. yk what at least i handled it better this time i didnt<br>
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try to reach out im STILL WAITING FOR JANUARY because i really<br>
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want to show that ive changed and this time yk this time i just<br>
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calmed down offline mostly and screamed into the void (blog)<br>
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so hopefully this doesnt mean that im making no progress hopefully<br>
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i DONT WANT TO HURT THEM AGAIN NOT AGAIN THATS NOT WHAT A FRIEND DOES
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frik im going to go play some balatro to get my mind off this<br>
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(22:05)<br>
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well i won the balatro game<br>
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feeling a bit better<br>
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tho again i really hope the server accepts me again<br>
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(22:14)<br>
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maybe i cant always have a ton of interaction every day<br>
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"sometimes you need the bad moments to make the good ones better"
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(23:00)<br>
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ok im deleting a bunch from the 20:36 entry and going to bed
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</p>
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</article>
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<article>
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<h2>2024-12-18</h2>
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<p>(14:11)<br>
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