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etherware-novice 2024-12-20 12:50:41 -06:00
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@ -17,6 +17,62 @@ permalink: /journal
<h2>basically the "hidden" vent section ive seen the webtracker nobody looks at this page</h2>
<article>
<h2>2024-12-19</h2>
<p>(18:15)<br>
been in a bit of a social slump lately<br>
barely checked discord/tumbr or the melonland forum<br>
at least moosky and turtle are nice to talk to<br>
and i really hope the server guys will want to talk again<br>
also i set up my raspberry pis again and they are cool servers :D<br>
(18:22)<br>
oh yea i guess i didnt mention it before<br>
parents are back but they have to go out again on christmas/channukah<br>
tho this time theyll be back before channukahs over..<br>
ig they have a lot of stuff to bring from my grandmas house<br>
(19:21)<br>
man screw this im not in the right headspace to make another comic<br>
i dont even care if i skipped twice im drowning<br>
(20:36)<br>
god d a m n it why do i care so much about a stupid tubr event<br>
im thrwoing shit at the wall and i feel terrible about it<br>
(21:31)<br>
okok ive calmed down a bit<br>
im not terrible im not terrible im not terrible<br>
as long as im not inflicting other people with it<br>
its fine im fine<br>
thats why i keep this blog i guess now just to dump all<br>
my terrible thoughts instead f inflicting it on other people<br>
(21:34)<br>
ok so the whole problem stems from wanting to be involved<br>
with the collaborative stuff my friends are doing<br>
(yes bench is my friend again they forgave me and refriended)<br>
and also feeling like im unable to do that because of all the<br>
failures in the past so i try to reach out for help to do that<br>
in a frantic stupid terrible ourobouros that just hurts people<br>
but so as long as i just ignore that feeling long enough i can<br>
maybe do something cool with them<br>
its almost paradoxical, huh.. to do the stuff i want to i have<br>
to give up on doing the things now and stop letting it weigh on<br>
my mind.. yk what at least i handled it better this time i didnt<br>
try to reach out im STILL WAITING FOR JANUARY because i really<br>
want to show that ive changed and this time yk this time i just<br>
calmed down offline mostly and screamed into the void (blog)<br>
so hopefully this doesnt mean that im making no progress hopefully<br>
i DONT WANT TO HURT THEM AGAIN NOT AGAIN THATS NOT WHAT A FRIEND DOES
frik im going to go play some balatro to get my mind off this<br>
(22:05)<br>
well i won the balatro game<br>
feeling a bit better<br>
tho again i really hope the server accepts me again<br>
(22:14)<br>
maybe i cant always have a ton of interaction every day<br>
"sometimes you need the bad moments to make the good ones better"
(23:00)<br>
ok im deleting a bunch from the 20:36 entry and going to bed
</p>
</article>
<article>
<h2>2024-12-18</h2>
<p>(14:11)<br>