2.2 KiB
| Date |
|---|
| 2024-12-16 17:23 |
let happiness surround you
a late fall day, grey and rainy, warmer than usual. i'm at my desk, using a lamp that looks like an old lantern sitting behind me because my ceiling light burnt out. to be honest, i like it. the vibe in my room feels warmer than having this overhead light shine down on me. it was nice, and i think it kickstarted a few other things too
when i am depressed, my environment is often one of the first things to suffer greatly. having ADHD makes it rather hard for me to look after my surrounding, but seeking treatment for that earlier in the year was allowing me to form a routine around cleaning. but as i fell into depression, the motivation i had for many things, was no longer to be found. and so i sat here at my desk, that had become my trashcan because my trashcan had been full for several weeks now. i looked at what surrounded me, it was not happiness. i knew that when i sat down every time at my desk i felt defeated at this literal monster that was sitting with me. i put up with it, because sometimes that's all you can do. it becomes easy to ignore these very small but vital things because my mind is so full of much more overwhelming thoughts that i must work through. but i must remember, that my environment, especially my work area, is something that i should feel joy from. i sit here and have created beautiful things like emma's place and baxter's photo gallery so i have to sit here and acknowledge this cannot do. i must make this happier for myself, it will help
so i did, i cleaned the desk, emptied the trash can and vacuumed. i have two plushies i placed on the desk. a cat and a penguin. when i have some money again i will get some small plushies from the pharmacy. they aren't anything amazing, but i'm sure there are some cute ones i'd be happy to greet me when i sit down at my desk. i will most likely have to do this again, probably many times. the important thing is that i did it. that i feel the joy and satisfaction of taking control over something that was causing me stress. this is such an important process in getting better for myself. i'm really glad i did this today
later gator