2.6 KiB
| Date | Location |
|---|---|
| 2025-02-28 19:23 | /sunshine |
love
today was the first day the sun has been out in a long time. i was out running some errands. grocery shopping, browsing nail colors, usual emma things. i felt the warmth of the sun on my skin as soon as i stepped outside, it felt like love
i haven't posted here in awhile. there may be people who subscribe via RSS who don't know what is going on in my life because they are not apart of the communities i am. i left this blog on a bad note, and i apologize if that caused any of you undue worrying
i want you to know i'm okay, as okay as i can be. i'm in the process of switching anti-depressants after my doctor agreed my current medication is longer effective at treating my depression. we came to this conclusion because i've been honestly busting my ass in therapy. i've accomplished a lot of good goals, built routines. all of which would be good for someone to do regardless of whether they were depressed or not. so to be doing these things, and more importantly accomplishing them and sticking to them, but then my brain not saying "hey good job emma, you should feel good about this" made my doctor go in the direction of switching medications
the entire process will take about 10 days, i'm on day 4 right now. you can't and really should never just stop taking most medications, anti-depressants in particular have risks associated with starting and stopping suddenly, such as withdraw symptoms and serotonin syndrome, something i'm not at all wanting to deal with right now lol
but i'm hopeful, it seems like i have a direction to go now rather than just working hard in therapy. i am glad i've been working so hard. i think if this new medication is helpful maybe i'll finally be able to appreciate all of the hard work i've done. be able to take satisfaction in something like quitting a life long nail biting habit during one of the worse depression periods in my life. it would mean a lot for all of this work to finally click. it would be a big confidence boost and i think i could leverage that for pushing forward with other goals
as a little personal beauty aside, i got two new nail colors. a really nice shade of a lighter blue, and a "look at my hands, look at this beautiful woman" shade of red. i've been enjoying the red, but i'm feeling i need to both look and feel like this is my color before going out in public with it, something i'm definitely up for trying
i know there are many people going through tough moments, probably daily like me. take care of yourself, take your time, be kind to yourself. i want to get better, and i want to see you get better too <3