1.2 KiB
| Date | Location |
|---|---|
| 2025-02-14 20:22 | /v-day |
the duality of something broken
this is my first valentine's day single in 5 years. despite the fact that often my relationship was one of chaos, tension, and lies, it still stings being single on valentine's day. how's that for feelings? maybe i got used to all of it, maybe chaos became comfort. i think i actually believed they would get help every time they promised.
i had seen a better them at one point, i was confused why they would not want to return to that. maybe they were comfortable in their own chaos. this is a feeling i've known at times. when i first started receiving serious treatment for my anxiety disorder. a world without constant worry, and a guaranteed panic attack was strange, frightening. i tried to sabotage myself frequently throughout this period of adjustment, not content without chaos
if i ever saw them again i wouldn't have anything to say to them. they burned me enough to deserve nothing else. they ruined my life several times over, they cost me a job once. they refused to understand my mental health and refused to seek treatment for their's.
if i saw them i'd know they'd still be alive though, getting help.
how's that for feelings?