3.1 KiB
| Date | Location |
|---|---|
| 2025-02-07 23:53 | /doing-okay |
what i've been up to
these past couple of weeks have been interesting for me. overall things are good right now. i am still navigating my mental health. there is much to learn about what being a woman means to me. but i feel good saying that things are okay right now. they aren't great, but i'm not hopeless, or lost. let me catch you up
letting go, genuinely this time
after my last therapy appointment. i had been confronted with my past yet again. that no one had ever stood up for me and spoke out when i couldn't. that maybe the way i was trying to work and live my life wasn't made for people like me. i was confronted with unhappiness regarding my previous relationship. a recurring thought being that i wish the years 2019-2024 didn't exist in my head.
quite simply, it was time to let these things go now. in an odd way, music once again proved to me how healing it was. i had gone through a binge of the shoegaze band Ride, and listened to a few of their albums on youtube. i have not listened to this music since before my relationship. i deeply remembered what it was like to love myself and be confident in myself. i felt those feelings again. to know those feelings again means they are not gone. they will come back
motivation, out of stock
my motivation has been in short supply. i've been heavily focused on self-care the past few weeks but i'm finding i'm not wanting to work on things i enjoy, like my website projects. i'm not sure how to solve this yet. i try to chip away at a project a little each day. if i can make 2 or 3 git commits on something each day, that seems to be good enough right now. so i think i'll keep going about it this way until i'm in a better place. i think it is fair to say i'm still depressed, and motivation is often hard to find in this state
just for me
speaking of self-care. despite being depressed and low on motivation. i've been putting a big effort into looking after myself. i started a journal, a special place that is just for me. it is really a nice way to write things that are meant just for you. blogging has always meant a lot to me since i started. but i greatly enjoy having picked up journaling. it is s special place for me, that allows me to explore my thoughts and celebrate things that are just for me
decaf emma
at the beginning of the week, i cut out all of my coffee intake. the amount of coffee i was drinking was simply unhealthy. the first few days were rough, and they played with my mental health as much as the caffeine habit i was trying to escape did. but having gotten through what i think is the worst of it. i have been gifted with a truly calm mind. my head is actually quiet sometimes, a gift i could never give back for coffee. i have started to know inner peace these past few days. it is odd to feel it in a time like this, but i think i know a version of it now. at least one i've been in search of for a long time
things will be very up and down, i have no doubt. but what i see here is me still trying, still persisting, saying i will not quit until i am better. i'm happy to see that in myself now